Cheap Shots

I’ve always believed the real way to distinguish a true dive from wanna-be dives is the bathroom. The bathroom in a dive should be in an absolute state of disrepair. Graffiti, broken toilets, leaking sinks, and a stench that causes one to question whether the bathroom is actually an open sewer are good signs that you’re boozing it up at a dive. Even better if dudes piss in a trough and chicks, well, don’t use the bathroom because it’s too disgusting.

When I used to live in Ocean Beach some eight or so years ago, one of the dives I frequented was the beloved late Arizona Café — the AZ to those in the know — which was on Bacon Street in OB. Never made it their during the day but made it their plenty of nights when I should’ve quit drinking hours before I rolled into the AZ. What made the AZ the diviest of the countless dives in OB and San Diego were the bathrooms, which did little that actual bathrooms do and was so foul as to cause most people to step in and quickly back out without doing their bizness. Ah, the AZ…

Of course, no mention of dive bar bathrooms is complete without saying an RIP to CBGB’s legendary bathroom. If you never got a chance to enjoy the facilities this is what you’ve missed:

This could be your toilet

Speaking of dive bar bathrooms, following our two rounds at the Holiday Cocktail Lounge Friday night, Whitesnake and I ambled on over to Cheap Shots, a raucous watering hole that usually reeks of spilled beer and puke. Always a good sign in my book.

Our pitcher of Yuengling was a mere $7 and we able to hole up near the window facing 1st Street so we could check out the chicks and East Village characters as we drank our beer. The best thing about Cheap Shots is, first of all, that the only place cheaper to get loaded is at home with a case of Powermaster. A close second is its bathroom, which has reached legendary status for being a complete shithole both literally and figuratively.

The AZ may be gone but it’s stinking fetid spirit lives on in the restroom at Cheap Shots.

Address: 140 1st Avenue, Manhattan

Happy Hour: It always seems to be happy hour at Cheap Shots, mostly because the patrons are busy throwing down booze so as to completely dull the senses and make the trip to the bathroom unmemorable.

Cuento Cuesto: There’s a reason it’s called Cheap Shots. Go on your birthday when you can drink for free.

Happy Birthday to You

Huckle Factor: It’s all about location when it comes to scaring up some action at Cheap Shots. Perfectly situated to catch the action from EV pub-crawls, everybody ends up at Cheap Shots at some point in their NYC lives. 3 out of 5.

Split Lip Factor: Whenever I’ve been there, folks are happily getting smashed so it’s tough to envision a Roadhouse-worthy brawl breaking out but, with booze this cheap, I’m sure some knuckleheads have thrown fists a few times here. 3 out of 5

If Cheap Shots were a celebrity: Chris Farley (RIP)

Who Would Like It: People with abnormally large bladders; fetishes for the smell of vomit; celebrating their birthdays; and anybody that finds some spare change under the couch cushions and is looking for a way to spend it.