Behold Mason Dixon

Sans Goldman Sachs employee

It wasn't this empty when i was there

Another fanciful night out in New York City brought me to the Lower East Side. I went to two bars that definitely don’t qualify as dives, but were fun all the same. It was one of those all-too-rare magnetic nights where people kept coming up to chat with me. Mason Dixon in on Essex just north of Rivington. I met my friends John and Tom there and we proceeded to pay $5 for Bud’s, $5 for Yuengling, and $6 for Sierra Nevada - standard midnight Saturday Lower East Side prices. Walking in my first surprise was that I had huckled one of the bartenders! John had to inform me of this cause I didn’t realize right away. To my credit, she’s very hot, so I looked like a man of taste in front of my two compatriots. (My second surprise was that this aforementioned bartender with whom I had had a brief thing didn’t supply me with any free drinks, merely some very uncomfortable chit chat.)

Then these two girls tapped me on the shoulder and asked me where the mechanical bull was. Despite the fact that it was right in front of us, I acted like this was not a superfluous question. They were with this dude who bartends at Clem’s. He took the ballsy move of jumping over the railing from the upper platform with tables. It was like a scene out of “The Fall Guy.”

There were a lot of preppy guys, which resulted in an inflated douche factor in comparison with how many hot ladies were roaming around. Also, it seemed that only these preppie guys were riding the bull. Note to the preps: Although it’s funny to watch you guys eat shit, only women should be riding the bull!

Then my friend Tom was playing Big Buck Hunter when this wirey oafish chap came over to me and John. In a thick Massachusetts accent he said Let me ask you guys a question. What is up with the girls here? It’s like a horse (pronounced hoss) field in here. I told him, much to his displeasure, that he just needed to drink more and he’d be fine. Fair advice if you ask me. This jerk definitely wasn’t going to be landing Helena Christensen.

Glam favourite Marc Bolan

We left straightaway and showed up at Rififi (11th St. between 1st and 2nd Aves) for Glamdammit. Igor from drivenbyboredom.com took a few shots of the night Glamdammit - 3.2.08.

There were a few decent girls at Rififi, and more than a couple trannies.  In response to the latter, Tom uttered the infamous words “This is terrible.  The hottest chicks here are guys.”

Split Lip Factor: 2 maybe, just be careful not to talk trash about finance

Huckle Factor: 5

If Mason Dixon was a celebrity: Jesse James

Split Lip Factor: 0, forget about that

Huckle Factor: 4, 5 if you’ll go for a tranny

If Rififi was a celebrity: Alexis Arquette